Sharing a salad and other tidbits about Chinese culture

"I will make us a salad," my language exchange said. It was the first time that I had met her, and I had gone over to her house so that we could help each other - I would teach her English and she would teach me Chinese. First, however, was dinner. We were ordering pizza and she was making a salad for us. The salad was a normal, western-looking salad, but the way in which we ate it completely surprised me. She gave us each a fork and, being the American that I am, I waited for her to split up the salad into two bowls, or at least put some salad onto her plate. I waited in vain. She stuck her fork into the "communal" salad bowl and munching away. I could do nothing but follow suit. And remember - this is someone that I met for the first time that day! In the United States, the only people I share food with in that matter - two people eating from the same plate or bowl - are either my parents or extremely close friends. But that is the way that people eat in China - I just didn't expect it with a salad and forks!

I have, however, become so accustomed to parts of the Chinese culture that some of it has become ingrained in me. If you are ever in China, do not be surprised if people (even people you have never before met) ask you very personal questions about money. These questions might be anything from, "How much do people usually make in America?", to "How much did your necklace cost?" to "How much do you make here?" In the United States culture, money is a taboo topic; it is considered extremely rude to ask people about their finances, even if they are a close friend. In China, however, this topic is very open. Living in China, I have completely gotten used to talking openly about money, so when people ask me about it, it does not seem uncomfortable or even strange anymore. As a matter of fact, I have gotten so accustomed to it that I have started to ask others about their personal finances without realizing that it may seem rude to them and make them uncomfortable. For example, I was talking to one of my friends online and she was explaining something that she wanted to do, but didn't have enough money for. I was trying to figure out a way to help her, but in order to do that, I wanted to have a clearer idea of her money situation, so (as many people here have asked me) I questioned, "How much money do you make?" Although she gave me an answer, it was not a direct answer, but that didn't deter me. My next question was even more personal and direct: "How much money do you have?" After a long pause, I though that maybe I had said something wrong, and my friend said that she didn't really want to talk about it. That was when I stopped and really realized that the questions I had been asking, according to the United States culture, were really very rude. Oops! It is just in the Chinese culture that they were ok, which is why I even thought to ask them.

So, if I do not act "normal" according to the United States culture when you next see me or talk to me, please remember that I have spent the last year abroad and that I have completely gotten used to a new and different set of norms, rules, and a different culture. Do not be offended! And, it is also important to remember that when you travel to different countries (or interact with someone from another country) the same rule applies. If people do not act in what you consider a "normal" way, that is because the definition of normal changes depending on where you are. Perhaps you are not normal to them! When traveling, keep an open mind and do not be easily offended or shocked. Just learn to be laid back and have fun!