Sharing a salad and other tidbits about Chinese culture

"I will make us a salad," my language exchange said. It was the first time that I had met her, and I had gone over to her house so that we could help each other - I would teach her English and she would teach me Chinese. First, however, was dinner. We were ordering pizza and she was making a salad for us. The salad was a normal, western-looking salad, but the way in which we ate it completely surprised me. She gave us each a fork and, being the American that I am, I waited for her to split up the salad into two bowls, or at least put some salad onto her plate. I waited in vain. She stuck her fork into the "communal" salad bowl and munching away. I could do nothing but follow suit. And remember - this is someone that I met for the first time that day! In the United States, the only people I share food with in that matter - two people eating from the same plate or bowl - are either my parents or extremely close friends. But that is the way that people eat in China - I just didn't expect it with a salad and forks!

I have, however, become so accustomed to parts of the Chinese culture that some of it has become ingrained in me. If you are ever in China, do not be surprised if people (even people you have never before met) ask you very personal questions about money. These questions might be anything from, "How much do people usually make in America?", to "How much did your necklace cost?" to "How much do you make here?" In the United States culture, money is a taboo topic; it is considered extremely rude to ask people about their finances, even if they are a close friend. In China, however, this topic is very open. Living in China, I have completely gotten used to talking openly about money, so when people ask me about it, it does not seem uncomfortable or even strange anymore. As a matter of fact, I have gotten so accustomed to it that I have started to ask others about their personal finances without realizing that it may seem rude to them and make them uncomfortable. For example, I was talking to one of my friends online and she was explaining something that she wanted to do, but didn't have enough money for. I was trying to figure out a way to help her, but in order to do that, I wanted to have a clearer idea of her money situation, so (as many people here have asked me) I questioned, "How much money do you make?" Although she gave me an answer, it was not a direct answer, but that didn't deter me. My next question was even more personal and direct: "How much money do you have?" After a long pause, I though that maybe I had said something wrong, and my friend said that she didn't really want to talk about it. That was when I stopped and really realized that the questions I had been asking, according to the United States culture, were really very rude. Oops! It is just in the Chinese culture that they were ok, which is why I even thought to ask them.

So, if I do not act "normal" according to the United States culture when you next see me or talk to me, please remember that I have spent the last year abroad and that I have completely gotten used to a new and different set of norms, rules, and a different culture. Do not be offended! And, it is also important to remember that when you travel to different countries (or interact with someone from another country) the same rule applies. If people do not act in what you consider a "normal" way, that is because the definition of normal changes depending on where you are. Perhaps you are not normal to them! When traveling, keep an open mind and do not be easily offended or shocked. Just learn to be laid back and have fun!

Dogs in America, Children in China

You might wonder, "How do Chinese teachers discipline the 30 or so children that they have in each class when the children are being very bad?" Here is what I have learned: the children in China (at least that I have seen) are punished the way dogs in America are punished when they are being slightly abused.

Of course, I have seen the children here punished in many ways. When children are being loud, not listening to the teachers, and are fidgeting and playing with their things, the teacher may grab the child by the jacket, kick over the chair, and haul the child to the front of the room. The child must either stand there for the rest of the class or bring his or her chair there to sit it. This is more of a mild punishment for the Chinese teachers.

I have seen many teachers go around the room with a rolled up piece of paper, threatening children who are not behaving properly. The sight of the rolled up paper inspires the children to quiet down and sit correctly in their seats (back straight, legs together, feet together, hands on their knees, eyes on the teacher). I have had children offer rulers to me when the other students in the classroom are being too noisy, so that I can use the ruler on the students to make them quiet down. I, however, could not bring myself to use the ruler.

The worst I have seen is when a child, maybe five years old, was being very noisy, so the teacher had him come to her desk in the front of the class. She took the English book (which is no thicker than a magazine) and slapped him across the face with it. The noise reverberated around the classroom and the children stayed silent the rest of the class period.

I have also heard stories: In one of my classes, the children were acting like perfect pupils the entire period. Not a peep was made while I talked. They raised their hands, they acted out what I asked them to, and they played the games I explained. We had a wonderful time. But, it was extremely abnormal for them to be SO good. Why? I wondered. Why are they so good today? Did they just decide to be good for me from now on? Unfortunately not. When I asked the teacher, she explained that the night before, some of them had decided that it would be fun to climb onto the table in their bedroom and jump off of it. When the teacher saw, she punished them by making them get back onto the table, go into a crouching position, and stay without moving for one hour. By the end of the hour, all of the children were crying. So, that morning, all of the children were sufficiently scared to be very, very good in my class.

As a disclaimer, I do not know what happens in other schools, in other regions, and in other parts of China. All I know is what I have seen in this school, with the teachers that I teach with. But I have heard that this is not abnormal. Teaching in China has prepared me for many things, but the discipline style has not prepared me for how to discipline children in America!

The SIFLS Family

Family is all about sharing experiences, making lasting bonds, and coming together, both for happy occasions and during times of stress. Although I am in China and a world away from my real family, I have the fantastic luck to have made a whole new family right here at SIFLS (Suzhou International Foreign Language School). This family is not made up of any blood relatives, and many of us are not even from the same country or continent, but we have all come together to create a home at SIFLS.

For those that are interested, there will now be a list of some of my SIFLS family members, as well as any descriptions I think might be interesting:

Grandma and Grandpa: Grandma Dolores and Grandpa Bob are from Canada. Because Grandma has grandchildren my age, and because she treats me like a granddaughter (such as inviting me in to talk after being out in the freezing cold, giving me hot chocolate, and giving me grandmotherly advice), Sable and I decided to start calling her Grandma. Since we call her Grandma, it seemed silly not to call her husband Grandpa, and there you go - a new Grandma and Grandpa.

Grandpapa: Yes, besides a Grandpa and Grandpa, I have a Grandpapa. Paul is a very kind man who I became close to when he helped me translate some things because I was sick and I needed to go to the doctor. His Chinese is absolutely amazing, having lived here for the past 25 years, so he can do any kind of translating necessary. He worked here last term and this term he lives and works in Hangzhou, so last weekend Sable and I went to visit him and we became even closer to Grandpapa. He showed us around and became our tourguide.

Naomy: A cousin. Every family has cousins whom you hang out with, and in this case, Naomy is a very fun-loving cousin. She is from Kenya and she is a great person to be around to have a good time.

My son: Yes, in this SIFLS family, I have a son. His name is Paul (different, of course, from Grandpapa). He is 3 years old and he is actually the son of a Mexican woman and American man who are teaching at the school. Because Paul is one of my students in the kindergarten, the children always see me with him and automatically equate a foreign child with a foreign woman (me) and think that he is my child. Therefore, according to all the children in the preschools, in the kindergartens, and even in the elementary schools (the rumor has grown considerably), Paul is my son. Even when I try to tell them he is not and explain to them, they do not believe me. They have made up their minds that Paul is my son and nothing I can do will change it.

Gricelda: Gricelda must be my mother. I didn't plan to pick up another mother, but I also didn't plan to have a son...She is actually Paul's mother, so if in this family Paul is my son, then she is my mother and Paul's grandmother. Which would make sense in the Chinese customs, with the grandmother always taking care of the children, dropping them off and picking them up from school, etc. Gricelda is very kind and sweet. Because she is from Mexico, she generously gives me the opportunity to practice my Spanish with her so that I do not completely forget it here in China. This time spent practicing my Spanish with her is one of my favorite parts of the week because it is so wonderful to just sit down and talk with her.

Then, of course, there is my sister - Sable: In China, Sable is considered my sister, my jie jie. In the United States, this kind of relationship would probably be considered more of a cousinly relationship. We do many things together - we travel together, we often eat dinner and lunch together, we explore Suzhou together, and we watch movies and television series together to relax. It is wonderful to have someone that I have known for longer than just this one year, someone who knows me better than everyone else, and someone that I can really relax around.

So that is most of my SIFLS family. There are more, but I don't want to bore you all too much, so I will stop here. Above is a picture of some of the people in the family, so you can get to know them a little better.